Raison D'être
by Lily Maxwell The Dark Angel
Summary: He doesn't know for how long he has slept, but he's tired. The murderer of his parents is finally dead. Barnaby can't find a reason to keep his eyes open. For the T&B Kink Meme, spoilers for episode 13. Barnaby/Kotetsu


**Raison D'être  
><strong>**by Lily M.**

* * *

><p>He doesn't open his eyes immediately upon regaining consciousness. It was darkness – complete, never-ending darkness, without a glimpse of a dream until then. First, the facts.<p>

He, Barnaby Brooks Jr., finally found the murderer of his parents after twenty years. Ouroboros showed itself to him, bared its teeth and claws. Jake Martinez's face and laugh echoed throughout the entire city of Sternbild. There was blood.

He opens his eyes. As expected, he is in a hospital. He doesn't remember how many bones he broke, how many scratches were opened, how many days had passed. He doesn't hurt, not too much. Medication, probably. There is the delicate smell of flowers, but he is too tired to look around, his peripheral vision only allowing so much.

He doesn't know for how long he has slept, but he's tired.

_He's dead_.

So, so tired he just wants to sleep again.

_He's dead, isn't he?_

And so he sleeps.

-x-

Barnaby Brooks Jr. doesn't have any nightmares on his hospital bed.

He can't dream at all.

-x-

Mr. Maverick is the first to come.

"It's over," he says, a gentle touch on Barnaby's shoulder. His protégé merely nods, not looking up. He doesn't smile, or sigh in relief. He doesn't grip the sheet in his fists, in overwhelming sorrow. There are bandages on his hands, from too many hits, too much struggle, too much force. He doesn't move them. He doesn't cry.

If Mr. Maverick says anything else, Barnaby doesn't listen. Later on, he will regret, feeling ungrateful. Outside the window, he notices the bright sun. He doesn't have his glasses. The clarity hurts his eyes.

There are bandages around his head, too. He doesn't remember when he took his helmet off to face Jake, look him in the eyes during their fight. He doesn't remember how he got injured. But it explains it. Why he can't stay awake for too long, can't focus.

He allows himself to believe it.

He doesn't notice Mr. Maverick leave.

-x-

They all come, eventually. And because they have absolutely no knowledge of how big and loud a group they are, they all come together. Keith, Antonio and Ivan still have bandages, but less than expected. A few days must have passed, perhaps a week, or a little longer.

He is a professional at smiling back at them, and reassuring them that yes, he was fine. Yes, he should be out soon. Nathan promises him things he will later be thankful for forgetting. He is sure Keith would have hugged him, given his enthusiasm and flipping arms, but Antonio is positioned strategically beside him in case of emergency. Pao Lin smiles from the sidelines and says it is not the same without him. Ivan looks down when he mentions, in a barely heard whisper, that he wants him to feel better soon. Karina holds his hand, a first real contact, and he tenses up. She smiles and tells him everything is alright now.

None of them mention Jake.

Kotetsu doesn't come.

A nurse has to raise her voice to be heard, informing them that visitor hours are over. Her tone is highly disapproving.

When they leave, Barnaby notices the corners of his mouth hurt from smiling too much. He can't tell if it has ever happened before.

He sleeps at will.

-x-

"Your office is receiving a torrent of fan mail," Agnes informs him, arms crossed in front of her chest and face impassive as always. She doesn't try to comfort him or cheer him up. He's grateful for it.

"I don't want to read them," he says, and his voice sounds a bit hoarse. He clears his throat as discreetly as possible.

"I figured as much." She flips her hair to the side before reaching for a letter she kept inside her jacket. Barnaby frowns, puzzled at the contradiction. "You'll want to read this one", and that is all she says before she turns around, heels clicking away down the hospital corridors. For a moment, Barnaby's impulses almost make him put the letter away, but he has always trusted Agnes. There shouldn't be a reason to doubt her now.

The envelope read, in small, flourish letters,

_Kaede Kaburagi._

Barnaby swallows before he opens it, as carefully as possible. The handwriting is curvy, but he can see the faded pencil lines underneath the pen writing; practice to make it perfect.

-x-

_Mr. Barnaby,_

(Barnaby can see the erased "Dear" before "Mr.", in what could have been a flustered change of heart.)

_I hope you are well now! When you were on TV, we were so worried about you. My grandma always pretends she doesn't like HeroTV much, but ever since those creepy guys were on screen, she wouldn't change the channel. She didn't let me watch all of it, but I know that you were the bravest of them all. Sky High is the King of Heroes and everything, but everybody knew Mr. Barnaby would win! The whole city was cheering for you, I couldn't believe it. Everybody would shout, "Barnaby!", you could hear it everywhere._

_You really are the best hero out there, and I hope you can recover soon so we can see you again. You know, my dad is sort of silly and clumsy, he gets hurt really easily too. I don't get to see him much, so sometimes I worry. But with you out there, Mr. Barnaby, I know he will be alright, because you'll save him just like you saved me once! True heroes are always there when we need them._

_I'll be cheering for you, just like everybody on that day._

_Wild Tiger is hopeless without you!_

_Sincerely,_

_Kaede K._

-x-

Barnaby can't breathe.

He is unaware of when the tears started falling, flowing hot down his cheek. He has to put the letter away as to not stain it. Raising his knees, he rests his forehead against them as he bites back a sob. He doesn't cry for his childhood, he doesn't cry for his parents. He doesn't know what _he is_ crying for, but his chest hurts, and it hurts so much he has to hold his middle. He's shaking, trying not to make a sound, still so concerned about his image, still so bloody concerned but he cries.

He doesn't hear the heels coming again, the door closing or the exchange between Agnes and his doctor. He doesn't hear anything, he doesn't say anything.

He feels so many emotions he doesn't know whether he's happy or sad.

When he falls asleep again, he's curled up in a ball, and the letter is still in his hand.

A bird settles on his window, singing the song of sunny days.

-x-

"Bunny! Sorry I'm late!"

Kotetsu's grin is sheepish and apologetic, like on the days he was late for a meeting or destroyed a car on accident. He looks at the corridor behind him before closing the door and looks even goofier. "I had to trick a few nurses to get here, it's past visiting hours."

Barnaby seizes him with his eyes, up and down. He's more bruised than Keith and Ivan had been the first time they had visited, and even though he was the one who got hurt the most, he wasn't supposed to be so bandaged. It didn't look right on him.

"You've been doing unnecessary things again," Barnaby points out with a raised eyebrow, looking and feeling like himself for the first time ever since he first woke up. Kotetsu crosses his arms and raises his nose in the air.

"Well, I _have_ been doing the work of two, Agnes won't get off my back." His arms slump dramatically. "There have been many calls lately, but nothing major. With Bunny recovering, Wild Tiger has to do his best!" He gestures at himself with his thumb, apparently very pleased. Barnaby has his two eyebrows raised now.

"So you've been breaking more things than usual. Apollon must be pleased," he remarks instantly.

"Hey! I do what I have to do to get results! But enough of that." He sits down on the bed. "When are you getting back?"

The spontaneous question makes Barnaby blink. There are no pats on the head. There are no questions about what had happened, what had happened _between_ them. Kotetsu is unapologetically direct, almost painfully oblivious to common courtesy towards ill people. His brown eyes look so close, and so cheerful. As if nothing had happened. As if nothing had ever happened.

Barnaby laughs. It starts as a muffled chuckle, but escalates to full, uncontrollable laughter. He leans his head against Kotetsu's shoulder unconsciously, and laughs. His partner has never heard the sound, he doesn't move. He just sits there, with the little Bunny leaning against him.

Kotetsu smiles when he feels his shirt growing damp. He rests his chin on top of Barnaby's head when the other calms down, petting down blond curls.

Whatever tension that might have been between them, it melts away as Kotetsu speaks.

"Perhaps I _am_ a little hopeless without you around, Bunny."

Barnaby doesn't know when exactly he has taken hold of Kotetsu's vest, but he grips it tighter.

"Don't tell Agnes."

He lets out a short laugh at the seriousness in Wild Tiger's voice.

Barnaby has never really craved contact with anyone before, but he can't bring himself to move away from Kotetsu's hold, nor can he let go of his hold on him. They stay in the brightly lit room for what seems like hours, leaning against each other.

The reciprocal answer to Kotetsu's words hangs in the air.

And just this feeling, this honest feeling that he is depended on to just be himself, makes tears well up in his eyes again. The rise and falling of Kotetsu's chest is soothing, and he feels tired again. His eyes hurt.

He looks frail and innocent like a child when he falls asleep, but only then. Kotetsu is the only person who knows it.

-x-

When Barnaby opens his eyes again, it is night. He takes a look at the sky and sees the countless stars in the distance. He wonders if one of them is a hero, protecting the city. He sets eye to a certain star, but when he blinks, it fades away.

On that moment, he wants to wear his armor again.


End file.
